Sunday, January 06, 2008

I'm mad as hell...and the Price is right made me that way

Ideal music for reading this post:

If you can find the black Sun Empire track that starts with the famous Network sample above. Much as I love hearing old white men pissed off, it sounds better with the drum and Bass behind it.

Ok so during this academic break I’ve been getting up later and going to the gym. Different crowd, same sweat. Not much difference in the working out demographic, but different stuff on the tele for sure. For the infrequent reader I pretty much sacrificed my first born tv to the literary gods and have been reading and writing up a storm ever since. My only exposure to regular tv is at the gym. And at around 11 in the afternoon they have this show on which is basically a bunch of speed freaks doing the weirdest shit just for a chance to earn some gaudy ass prizes. It’s called the Price is right.

Now understand folks, I’m about twenty five paces away from the misanthrope line as is. If there were a way to be advocating for the apocalypse without joining any particular religion, I’d be there. If God came down right now and said “Fuck it, you’re all going the way of the dodo bird.” And somebody said “But why god?” I’d smack them with pictures of starving babies in one hand and Las vegas in the other and prepare for divine annihilation. In my view humanity has only a few redeeming characteristics that make us worthy of survival, and those traits are being eroded day by day. None of those traits are found on the Price is right.

First and foremost, how dare the Reagan/Bush oligarchy tell me to not do drugs growing up while allowing that show to stay on the air. I’m sorry, but no one gets that excited over a fucking washing machine. And if they do, then its called a fetish and they need to see someone about that. I never watched the price is right before. My mom and grand mom used to, but that was just my time to go and read comics. It’s ridiculous. Alien cultures will descend/ emerge being willing to converse with us as though we were all on equal intellectual footing, then see the Price is right and erupt in alien gut laughing at how easy it will be to dominate us . “Just give them prizes M’kknc, and watch how they dance.” One will say to the other.
Slightly more seriously is the Valorization of disposable income this show promotes. One of the contest I saw was nothing more than guessing the correct prices of crap you don’t need. And if you one then you got to spin a wheel for a dollar in order to get to the final showcase showdown. And once you get there then you compete against one other person for more crap you don’t need. The best of which is of course…A NEW CAR! The show has been on since 1972 according to, and I can totally see the Soviet union using that show as a prime example of the “Problem of the decadent West”. No doubt Al-queda is doing the same. Since when is knowing the price of things knowledge enough to get you those things? Aren’t games supposed to provide chances to hone essential or desired skills? Aren’t prices of consumer products in large part left up to the will of the profit makers? I know, I’m a communist.

To be fair, I never listen to the show. The monitors sit above me in the gym like the great square demi-gods demanding their sweat sacrifice while I tune into my new gym playlist (see below), so aside from the closed captioning and my paltry lip reading through my watery gaze, I don’t know what they are saying. All I know is I look at the Price is right and I see what’s wrong with America.
“Who cares?” I hear you asking. “Stop picking on tan innocent tv show, ya freaking afrogeek. It’s not important.”

Here’s why it is important in one word, hegemony. The price is right, the young and the restless, gossip girl, all this shit is the norm, coming from a long line of culturally vapid elites. Meanwhile The wire is starting its last season tonight. Put it together, Someone could have been born and raised a child watching The price is right. The wire only gets five seasons. Why? No cultural dominance. We’re so happy to see complex people of color stories that we revel in the one story and allow it to exist in a contemporary desert, searching for others like itself. Meanwhile The price is right contestants are given free samples of Phen-phen then told by the voice of God to “Come on down” and guess how much the American psyche should go for on the open market.

Fighting the Toby complex workout mix

Lionrock, packet of peace-The chemical brothers
My street-Muderbot
Are you ten years ago-Tegan and Sara (Don't ask, but twenty something twin teenage lesbians make me want to run faster)
Dig a hole-Jay-z
paper planes-M.I.A.
Hustlin-Rick Ross (Blame Kat Williams)
Jungle brothers (Aphrodite remix)-Jungle brothers
Work it, extended remix-Missy Elliot
coke and Wet-Spankrock
YOu'll find a way-Santogold
We be clubbin-Ice Cube and DMX
The knock-U.N.K.L.E.
Party like a rockstar remix-Shop Boyz
Till I collapse-Eminem
Got your money-ODB
Duppy Durex-Mr. Vegas
Simon says Pharoahe Monch
This is why I'm hot (Jamaican remix)-mims, Baby Cham, Junior reid
shakiyla-Poor righteous teachers
Stand up-Ludacris
I'm so hood Dj Khaled
Broke Niggas!-Turf Talk
dumb it down-Lupe Fiasco
release yo delf-Method man from the 187 soundtrack
Fiddle with the volume (Ghislain remix-Lady Sov
Sirens (Chase and status remix)-Dizzee rascal

Beware the Mp3, coming to you soon


Blogger girl6 said...


And by "ouch", I mean "word".

10:08 PM  

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