Let’s be clear: There are certain technological items that I want to hump. Yes, hump as in back in the sixth grade when Litle Miss Suzy rotten crotch wouldn’t let you get under her pants so you had to pretend like you already had and gyrate on top of her like you were a spastic just stung by a jellyfish. Yes, that kind humping. That’s how I feel sometimes when I see certain items of technology. Sometimes, even when I’m in the store I feel a little bit of a tingle in my legs and feel the need to pump the latest new Mp3 player. Don’t ask why. I can’t explain it. I know its not normal. But I’m tired of rejecting my kink. I’m a technophile. Ok, That being said, hopefully you’ll understand some of my joy at the following items:

First off, as I am an electronic music junkie, this shit it what was made for me. I suck at music, but I understand patterns. This thing is just musical patterns, a Midi pattern board. Check out the video:

http://146.186.186.101/~bcrabtree/monome40h.mov

Plus the bitch is opoen source! That means someone smarter than me is going to be writing bad ass code for the little hooker making it do everything from a Dirty Sanchez to a Peppermint Swirl for a nickel. If you followed that you really need help.

Don’t get me wrong, my set-up, when I actually set it up is nothing to sneeze at. I got a Roland sp 606:

A MicroKorg

Two digital turntables and a crappy mixer. Throw a Sony Vaio in the mix and I do all right. But I’ve been thinking about trying to mess with those laptop battles I’ve been hearing about. http://www.laptopbattle.org/ You know, rep for the Afrogeeks. I’d need more streamlined Midi interface and some bomb software. More than the fruity loops. Who knows. Anyway, on to more Geek gizz dreaming.

Who the hell needs a Teraabyte of storage? http://www.yellowmachine.com/products/index.htm

I can’t lie. Don’t get it twisted. I know that in three years, TB’s will be the standard and they’ll be the size of Nanos. But I love the concept of having a little yellow box in my house that has all my movies, all my music, all my everything, and still have room for more stuff. Ultimate fantasy, The laptop, a video projector, a terabyte of storage, and nothing but time…

Oh yeah and a girlfriend that didn’t try and knife me.

This little Hottie is what the Nano should have been:

I mean for real. Six gigs of memory, can play multiple music and video files, plus it can be used for hard storage?!?!?! Nah they ain’t paying me to say it but with 32 hours of battery life, I’ll be humping this damn thing if they don’t float me one. For real!

Last but definitely not least, I need a new Desktop. One that doesn’t act like a Crackhead whenever I try and re-mix some old episodes of House M.D to show how much of a dick that guy can be (Shit, that’s why I love him) I think I just found it.

http://www.sonystyle.com/is-bin/INTERSHOP.enfinity/eCS/Store/en/-/USD/SY_BrowseCatalog-Start?CategoryName=cpu_preRC_Series

Did you know you could burn 30 gigs of memory on one Blu-ray disc? All I gotta figure out is compatibility. Anywho, this is what gets my pee-pee hard, even though I’m in the middle of Istanbul and just bought a Ney. Thankfully, I never said I was normal.