David Paterson for President!
Fuck the dumb shit ya’ll. Let’s put politics in it’s proper place, it’s all a three card monty game for the most part. It’s all about how to get the most in without using up all the Vaseline. We all know its true. We try to act like its not but we know, you know like a foot massage. The best a politician can hope to do once in office is push the random piece of legislature through the proper channels with the force of a pimp on John street, every now and then. David Paterson, however, is the exception that proves the rule. Here are four reasons why I’d vote for the current governor of New York as the President of the United States.
1. Dude is blind. Whatever he does after that, the dude navigates the world sight unseen. He’s like a black Matt Murdock
2. Ok, so he takes over for Elliot Spitzer after the reigning governor resigns in a swirl of controversy over a $1000 a night breezy being an state line item. (Little caveat here: The only reason I have any grief on this one is that he used official funds. As far as I’m concerned, you should get a willing and eager servicer of needs as soon as you get appointed to any official office. But kids in new York still think there are 48 states while Spitzer is blowing $150,000 on getting his dome blown). First thing my main man Paterson does after getting sworn in is tell all of god’s green. “Yeah, I get mad play from freaks. My old lady does to. Deal with it!” GANGSTER!
3. The man doesn’t flinch from controversy. He demands same sex marriages in other states be recognized in New York. Aside from Cali, who else is on the record like that? And a black man on top of that, endorsing without a second of consideration. I don’t see Obama doing that. I see Obama making speeches about hoping same sex marriages one day meet Dr. martin Luther King up on the hillside with his dying white mom with no healthcare. Paterson is down for some action steps.
4. BIGGEST OF BIG however, bigger than Jimi live in ’68, bigger than Macy Gray’s ‘fro, bigger than the balls on the President, Paterson pardoned SLICK RICK! I mean Rick’s shit was so stupid anyway, some dumb attempted homicide beef. Plus Rick already did five years for that drama. So fuck the dumb shit, Slick Rick can now live without fear of being exported like mad cow to the U.K. It’s done. Over. That’s it! Ain’t nothing else to say. Put a period on the end of that sentence. I’m making the t-shirts. Runaway write in candidate Paterson for president. If not, then maybe just pimp of the year.